Absurd Spices

Fun and frustration from a gimp with an axe to grind. After all, absurdity is the spice of life. There will also be Punch and Pie

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Miasma Of The International Community

I’ll admit it and be the first to do so: I don’t really pay attention to the world news unless it spills over the walls of my American paradigm. I’m guilty as charged. I’m told by folk to keep up with what is going on in the world, but frankly, with the Left as screwy as it is, I’ve my hands full just figuring out what those Terrorists of Slander and Character Assassination are doing to fuck up my pristine Lady Liberty. But occasionally, things do slop over the walls and I’ve got to acknowledge them.

The most recent pool of fetid miasma that gathered itself inside my sanctum sanctorum is the election of Hamas to the majority in the “Palestinian” territories. Take a moment for that to sink in, then let me repeat myself. HAMAS HAS THE MAJORITY IN THE PLA!!! At least I can breathe a semi-fresh breath of air knowing that at least the Jordanians, Egyptians, and various other Arab detritus calling themselves Palestinians will now be exposed as the Jew-hating, Israel-destroying pieces of Amoeba shit that they are. Of course the MSM will continue to Ostrich on it, but that is SOP and has been since Viet Nam and before.

The most shocking part of this is that the Fatah party has called it quits before the official tallies are completed and that they conceding in all races. I am happy that the farcical “Peace Process” has now official ended. Israel has nothing to apologize for and deserves all the land they gained during their defense of themselves from Rag-head, Mecca-facing bastards that want only to kill the Jew. In fact, I think Israel should renege and yank back the land they’ve given up. The surrender of land did nothing but give PIJ and Hamas more forward operating bases from which to attack the only democratic state, besides the newly forming Iraqi government that you never hear about outside of Blogs, that exists in that region. Expect a Caliphate in the very near future.

So, I’ve been forced by this horrible miscarriage of “democracy” amongst the Arab rubbish collection, to consider the world stage for a few moments and try not to let my stomach roil at the possibilities of Hamas having Unilateral control over a “nation” recognized by the UN. Of course, should we need to attack the “Palestinian” areas WHEN they start to constitute a very, very real danger to the US and Israel, since the “Palestinians are rather lacking on Bribe Money, the UN would probably be slower than usual (is that possible?) to respond. God Bless that bloated, corrupt, anachronistic, despotically peopled “Organization”.

To the boys and girls of the IDF and the US Military, better clean those guns and stock up on Ammo. It’s “Palestinian” Season!

P.S. Carnival of Comedy is pending at Taleen’s site, Sun Comprehending Glass. Keep looking and hitting that F5 key!

-Jesse W.

Update: The Carnival is at FIAR's Radioactive Liberty. Go see the Funny!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Fairy Tales and Fables

An interesting thought occurred to me as I was preparing to leave for work this AM. I know this might seem strange, but I have deep thoughts and, well, shallow thoughts too, coursing through my brain from wake up to bed down. So today’s thought, rattling around in my head, was centered on Government. With my House Representative about to become Majority Leader, I began thinking about the role of Government in my life.

I don’t believe in Local Government over Federal Government. In concept I believe that it is the way things should be, but I just mean that I’ve never any evidence that it exists in fact rather than theory. State’s Rights over Federal Rights is a grand concept to be sure. I just don’t believe that States’ rights happen to presently exist. Much like a child and Santa Clause, I want so hard for it to be real and for States to be able to self govern like the Founding Fathers put explicitly in the FUCKING CONSTITUTION of THE UNITED STATES of AMERICA.

So whenever I think about government, and how I’m affected by it, I think of the Fed. I have no idea what the Representatives and Senators in my own state are doing. I’ve no concept of our local government except the 3 steps of lawmaking, which gives us citizens the power to affect changes to the law and directly vote on what makes it into the books. Initiative, Referendum and Recall. We, as citizens in this Red State, can get whatever we want on a ballot and make law without waiting for the Legislature to get of its collective ass. We also have the ability to counter REALLY bad decisions made by the electorate. Except for some bad citizen led decisions that have been passed into law, like the cigarette tax hike and the Glendale Stadium for the Cardinals, it’s been an effective system.

So, I think we need to start thinking long and hard before we hit the polls. We need to review the records of the officials for their views on Big Government. It’s time to let our votes say States’ rights first or no one wins the seat. Just my $.02, but that's how I feel. I want my local news to cover my local government, because it’s the central seat of decision making for my state. Just say no to a bigger Fed, but yes to The Fed defending our borders and only making the decisions that are prudent for the whole nation, and not just a special interest minority. A Democratic Representative Republic is there for the electorate to represent and be a voice for their constituents, not lobby groups and their ilk.

I may not be the first to say this, of this I’m sure. But, it was on my chest, and now is on the page. Let us say ,”Fuck Off” to environMENTALists, to Big Oil, to Big Tobacco, to Big Anti-Tobacco, to the rest of the groups that have no say in how the states affect their Constitutional right to govern themselves. And we really need a big, “Fuck Off” to the judicial appointees that legislate from the bench. But, I’m just one man, and I could be wrong. It’s happened before.

-Jesse W.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Did I Say Chocolate City? My Bad!

Apparently, someone was nice enough to hand New Orleans Mayor, Ray Nagin, a shoehorn. In a speech made during MLK Day observances, Mr. Nagin, that ever so competent of public officials, said he wanted to make sure that NO was a “chocolate city” once again. The veiled claim, of course, being that the White folk of the city were being treated more fairly than the Black folk, and rebuilding was happening much more quickly “uptown”. The gist is that he wants to ensure the Black voters return and he doesn’t lose his seat in the election that was postponed after Katrina. Oh yeah! He also said God was pissed at us and punishing us for liberating Iraq. Obviously Nagin’s description was less flattering than mine.

Well, yesterday, the 17th, Nagin attempted to gently ease the foot out of his mouth. Which is a nice way of saying he did the Democrat Shuffle. You know the steps; dodge left, dodge right, backpedal, repeat. He decided to recant, or at least make a half-hearted attempt to in the form of a sort of apology. His song-and-dance goes a bit like this:

"If I offended anyone, I sincerely apologize," the mayor, who is black, said on Tuesday. "I need to be more sensitive and more aware of what I'm saying.

"I want everybody to be welcome in New Orleans -- black, white, Hispanic, Asian -- because that's the kind of city that we deserve going forward," he said. "I was trying to, and didn't do it very well, to deal with this whole notion, the undercurrent what's being talked about, and what's being talked about is who is going to come back to New Orleans at the end of the day."

How nice. After accusing the folks of his OWN CITY of blatant racism and apathy, he tells us what he “really meant”. He also, uncharacteristic of the left, acknowledges that he tends to speak without thinking. If only we could get Pelosi, Kennedy, Durbin, etc. to do the same. If only. However, with his response to Katrina, the evidence that he thinks at all is a bit thin. Evidence to the contrary actually shows he might not be firing on all cylinders:

"Surely God is mad at America," he said. "Surely he's not approving of us being in Iraq under false pretense. But surely he's upset at black America also. We're not taking care of ourselves."

What a sensitive, intelligent fellow. In another article, Nagin tried an even lamer attempt at backpedaling by saying he meant the chocolate comment to mean the peaceful commingling of Blacks and Whites. So let’s have three cheers for the incompetent, less than bright Mayor of New Orleans! Hip, Hip, Go Away! Hip, Hip, Go Away! Hip, Hip, Go Away!

-Jesse W.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Near Riot? What Near Riot? *Whistles*

More Liberal Media carpet sweeping comes today from the Arizona Republic. The funny thing is that this newspaper used to be called The Arizona Republican. Now it’s nothing but a liberal Rag clogging up the clean and right minds of this Red State’s citizenry.

Here is the final blurb on the MLK Day proceedings as glowingly listed in the article:

Several hundred people showed up for the day's events. People from all over the state and Marchers from out of state made a statement with a fairly peaceful celebration

Folks, this “Fairly Peaceful” event consisted of a large number of black gangsters throwing signs at each other, blocking all traffic and terrorizing commuters, and the necessity of having (at least as many as I could see) 10 cops in a single intersection with 2 of the police helicopters circling to keep the violence to a minimum.

I’m sure good old Marty would be proud of the rampant stupidity that his “brothers and sister” were showing. I mean, the man was a two-faced, preferentialist womanizer that stumbled ass backwards into equal rights, but I think he’d still be appalled at what has become of his fellow Blacks today.

And I’m not surprised the Lib Media didn’t report it, since it might paint Blacks as violent and belligerent on MLK Day. One might think that they would report it to show the opposite of what they purport King stood for. But we can’t call Blacks out for their behavior on their special day. That might hurts feelings or be deemed racist. Or, maybe, just maybe, it might make them seem like an actual news agency again.

Deja Vu... All Over Again

Interesting things have been developing in that oh so stable Islam(ofacist)ic republic of Iran. Their President, Mahmoud Ahdmadinejad, is just such a wonderfully pleasant little peach. I mean, who wouldn’t love a guy that denies the Holocaust despite mountains of Empirical Evidence? Why could we not adore a man that says that Israel should be wiped off the map? This sounds like a guy that really can be trusted to keep his word to only use the Iranian Nuclear Program for energy and not, say, building radioactive WMDs.

What really strikes me as a tad on the Déjà vu side is the German reaction to Iran continuing its nuclear program, despite the UN moratorium. Not that the UN has been an effective body for decades now, but we have to have the appearance of actually doing something. Hmm, Germany, through their voice in the IAEA has been dragging their feet in terms of taking the Iran situation in front of the UN Security Council. My guess is that we have history repeating itself. I mean, they failed at wiping out the Jews in the 40’s, why not let Iran have a try. Not that I’m really buying the conspiracy, but it makes you wonder.

The past decade or two, we have seen a steep increase in Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism in the Liberal and European Community. But why am I repeating myself? Statements like Ahdmadinejad’s, which would have been met with horror and revulsion mere decades ago, are now accepted and just a natural expression of “Islamic” anger over Big Bag Israel occupying “Palestinian” land. Even though a Palestinian is a wholly fictional creation of the Islamic world to play 3-card Monty with public perception, people still feel sorry for these castoffs that the compassionate, religion of peace Arab world can’t give two shits about.. It would seem that Germany is going along with this mad man, trying to make up for its “failure” in the 40’s. They are our ally why again? We helped them rebuild and democratize again only to have them stab us in the back or what reason now?

I fully support Israel’s right to exist. I fully believe these Turks, Egyptians, and various other Arab detritus that call themselves “Palestinians” should shut the hell up and go to their REAL homes. I also think that the UN damned well better do something about Iran, and pretty fucking quickly. And if they don’t, the US or Israel is fully in the right taking the nuclear research sites down. If Ahdmadinejad doesn’t back down, then that loony nut juggler can expect a new Osirak at the very least. Or, if I had it my way, we’d have a beautiful lake of pebbled glass just slightly north and to the East of Iraq.

-Jesse W.

Monday, January 16, 2006

A Very Special Thanks!

I would just like to take a moment and thank all the folks that made the Carnival of Comedy #37 a success

I’d first like to thank all the folks at IMAO for allowing me to host the collection of entries from around the blogododecahedron. Special thanks to SpaceMonkey for providing me the necessary info and the links and for drafting me into service for hosting. And final thanks go to all those that submitted entries. My apologies about the rating; it’s part of the rules. Also a special thanks to Peace Moonbeam for pointing out my oversight of her fantastic entry and allowing me to have a chance to correct that error.

Keep up the good work and keep up with the funny.


Jesse W.

Friday, January 13, 2006

An Oversight Corrected

Once again, Peace Moonbeam of The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles recounts her New Years Eve revelry and knavery. Good enough to get you in trouble with the Boss Man. Think of this as an appendix to the Carnival.

Apologies to PM for missing her fantastic entry.

-Jesse W.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Carnival of Comedy #37 Delayed, but available!

Welcome one and all to the 37th Carnival of Comedy. It's a tad delayed, but here we have it all laid out for your viewing pleasure.

The Carnival is brought to you by:IMAO, The IMAudiO Podcast, The IMAO Carnival of Comedy and, of course, The Conservative Cat.

Since most of us good Conservatives work for a living, I’ve rated the entries as to the Level in which you might get in trouble for laughing in the cube farm.

Guaranteed to get you reprimanded by the Boss Man:

Buckley F. Williams gives us a play book for the loony left in The Nose on Your Face’s Year 2006 Predictions. Be prepared my conservative friends. Parts of the list might be nsfw.

A test that only the MSM could love. Media Bias? What Media Bias? Mr. Right at The Right Place certainly hasn’t found any.

The Assimilated Negro debunks what we tell little Johnny or Suzy about where babies come from. Deninitely NSFW!

Our friend NOTR of ROFASix shares with us the wisdom in sending cranky old farts to solvethe "al Qaeda" issue.

Joan Conde, the Mamacita, very kindly gives us a road map to the confirmation of Justice Alito.

Good for a chuckle, but not enough to get you looked at strangely at work:

Our friend, Mr. Strain, of Personal Finance Advice offers his Friday collection of monetary oopsies and faux pas.

Another gift from Miriam. She gives us a tongue-in-cheek missive to our Commander-in-Cheek... I mean Chief.

Peakah show's us Kim Jong Il opressing it gangsta style at Peakah’s Provocations.

TMH’s Bacon Bits share a sure fire way to get rid of the "Ted Kennedy Situation". Methinks The MaryHunter reads too much Rowling.

More fun with screen caps and bribery from Tommy at Striving for average.

A rather humorous duet between Deanie Weenie and Justice Alito. Courtesy of Sean Gleeson.

A rather telling transcript taken at great risk by FIAR and Radioactive Liberty’s operatives. Thank God we have Democrats looking out for the terrorists, I mean our, Civil Liberties!

You might laugh, but no one will hear you:

JustinC. at Perrero brings us an interesting mathematical view of his life.

SulDog-O-Rama’s Sully brings us a wonderful narrative of off-road rage. Pray his bones heal!

The Brothers Dim lay upon us some rather strange equations. Must be that NewMath from Sean S.

Our Canadian centrist friend, Lecentre offers a cryptic quote as food for thought.

Holly of Soldiers’ Angel shares the dangers of the Smiling Frog Solar Light.

From Miriam’s Ideas, Miriam shares the peculiarities of condiments and other items her hubby gets neurotic about.

A list of working titles from a Hollywood circling the drain. Courtesy of NewsGuy from Anti-Racist Losers.

Don’t forget to visit the other hosts for future carnivals. The Schedule is as follows:

Jan 19 – Rachel Pereira at Pereiraville.
Jan 26 – Still up for grabs! Contact Spacemonkey and you ca host your very own Carnival.
Feb 01 – Taleena at Sun Comprehending Glass.

Thanks for stopping by folks!

Watch This Space

All apologies! The Carnival will be delayed until this evening, but I will get the funny rolling to all you faithful Ronin. Keep your eyes peeled for the full boat this evening.

Jesse W.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Salt Of The Earth. City On A Hill.

Persistence. Commitment. Determination. Am I talking about the latest multi-million dollar contract signer for whatever sports team is burning up the stats in their field? Am I talking about the latest Rags to Business Riches success story to hit the financial news? Or, perhaps, whatever politician is in the limelight fighting for what they tell their constituents they really believe in. Would you believe none of the above?

You see, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the everymen out there. The fathers, mothers, construction workers, accountants, etc. who make up part of our world, just everyday folks like you and I. We face our daily struggles and hardships and soldier on. We get knocked down by personal tragedy and we get up and keep moving. And we do it without grasping for that sense of entitlement. We don’t believe that the world owes us something.

My life hasn’t been wine and roses. I haven’t had things handed to me on a silver platter. In fact, some days it seems like I’m trying to ice skate uphill. I’ve lost very close family in untimely and unfortunate circumstances. I’ve been crippled permanently because of a few short moments of high-speed stupidity and overcalculation. I have had people judge me just by sight on a daily basis and decide what I’m capable of without even talking to me. But I continue to get up. I continue to go to work. I haven’t asked for a hand out because life owes me something. I continue to treat my fellow man the way I’d like to be treated. I continue to try and do as I’d have done to me and to contribute what little I can to the society around me.

I am, by far, not the only one in this modern age like this either. Nor am I even close to being an everyday hero like most that walk our streets and work in our workplaces. We are strong, determined, and many. The resilience of the American people continues to boggle my mind and make me proud to live here. The father that barely can feed his family after breaking his back all day, but still manages to love all of his family and keep them together, humbles me. The mother who has had the short end of the stick handed to her almost at every turn in her life, yet still manages to look after her neighbors and care for friends in need, leaves me speechless. We call them the Salt of the Earth, and they are. They add flavor and hope to our dismal present world, and they preserve us, our way of life, and the hope that we will make it as a nation and people to another day. And another. And another.

We will probably never hear about them on the evening news, because a man that provides for his family and DOESN’T leave them isn’t “good copy”. Nor is the couple that has managed to stay married and raise well-disciplined kids, even though they don’t have much. But these everyday heroes are out there and deserve a moment’s thought and a quick prayer to God as thanks. They are the glue that holds us together and the cogs that make the machine work. They are the ordinary heroes whose main virtue is that they never stay down when they fall. They get back up and keep walking on. There will be no parades in their honor, but they are the heroes of this day and each one that comes after it. May we never forget them and always honor them.


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A Brave (and Terrifying) New World

Beheadings of Kuffars and bombs strapped to children. Persecutionist rantings and failure to be relevant. Zionist plotters all hung up with string. These are Islamofacists’ favorite things.

Ah, the “Religion of Peace”. I could go for the obvious “Religion of Pieces” pun, but that would be too easy. I’m really curious as to how a religion of “Peace” has written into its scriptures clauses that create a default lower, nay, a despised class. We all know that systematic discrimination against a people group by religion and law only incites violence and rage. Look at Apartheid, though the overthrowers threw in with communism, or the way Jim Crow laws created the civil unrest that led to the Civil Rights Movement. Sidenote: It was an effective movement, so black folk can stop playing the race card because we finally see them as equals. So how can this be a Religion of Peace? I suppose that is an argument for another day.

The issue at hand is when the hell we are going to get serious about this issue? We’ve played by the rules of war regardless of what Dick Turban, Ninny Pelosi and the rest of their ilk decry to gain personal political points at the expense of national safety, security and just plain human decency. Oh, and not to mention their casual wiping of their feet on the Constitution. But our enemy is far from playing by the rules. They couldn’t care less about the Geneva Convention. It wasn’t written by some centuries dead charlatan, criminal, fraud, bastard sand rat called Mohammad. Make no mistakes, I do know we are stemming the tide and our boys are fighting effectively against folks in a region with an alarming rate of mental retardation under the guise of “culture” and “religion”.

I’m reminded of the movie Swordfish. Rather a big box office stinker, but cheesy action flicks are a guilty pleasure. I love Travolta’s character. I love his mission. To terrorize the terrorists. We’ve deluded ourselves. We’ve actually convinced ourselves that the Middle Eastern culture isn’t the root cause of terrorism. It is. Not the socio-economic bullshit that some tweed-jacketed college wanker will throw at you, but the real and historical truth that Mideast culture is a culture of barbarism. “Honor killings” and kidnapping as a valid method of negotiation are not the signs of a mentally well region folks. So what would happen if we started to strike back eye for an eye style. Really get it on?

For every suicide bombing by Hamas at a Jerusalem cafe, the US destroys an entire “Palestinian” marketplace, civilians and all. For every car bomb that goes off and kills police in Iraq, the US shells, destroys and decimates the ministries of Justice for Syria, Iran, Saudi Arabia, etc… you know, the countries that condemn the terrorists’ actions in Iraq from one side of their mouth while doing nothing to stop the flow of wanton jihadists. For every attack by foreign terrorists on the soil of the US or a US ally, a tactical nuke roasts the eyes and insides of every wahabist man, woman and child in that person’s home village. The larger the group responsible, the greater the devastation. We need to make terrorizing the western world so unthinkable that even the thought of getting a little miffed and blaming the West for the shortcomings of their own defunct culture and hypocritical religion causes them to shit very large quantities into their pants.

I am tired of the kid gloves. Unless these bastards have something to fear, no diplomacy, understanding, or cooperation is going to eradicate the issue. Until we call a spade a spade and admit that these jerkwater rejects shouldn’t be holding the world for ransom; until we are willing to do the unthinkable to stop the unthinkable; until we are willing to make all who harbor, idolize, collaborate with, or give comfort to terrorist hurt 10-fold for the pain they’ve caused the west, then we will see no end to terrorism on the world stage.

Mr. President, for the love of all things Red, White and Blue, bring terror unimaginable to the terrorists. Treat them like the animals that they are. If they are so willing to die, let us give it to them, on our terms, with as much interminable pain as possible. And please do this with all necessary speed.

-Jesse W.